Save Your Marriage with a Simple Question

Save Your Marriage with a Simple Question

Another critical element for relational success is perspective. Perspective allows us a moment to step back and reflect on the situation at hand. Often tempers can flare over small things depending on our stress levels at the moment. That is why one of the most important marriage saving tips involves asking yourself a simple, but critically important question, "Will it matter at Christmas?"

Marriage Saving Tip 6: Will it matter at Christmas?

When I was younger, I asked my mother once how she picked the things that she chose to be really upset about. She said that she asked herself a simple but important question: “Will this matter at Christmas?”

We can find ourselves in the middle of a trivial, unimportant dispute before we have taken the time to ask ourselves if it really matters in the larger scheme of life. Some battles are really important, like drugs, drinking and driving  and sex outside the marriage, and some are not. If a behavior or choice has the potential to produce a lasting negative effect that will be as important by Christmas as it is now, it is worth fighting about. If not, ask yourself, “Why am I choosing to get upset about this issue?”

Many times, discovering the reason behind the reason we are reacting with such passion will bring us great insight into our lives. When we take time to explore our motivations behind our reactions, we not only discover important information about ourselves, but also model a self-reflective discipline that aids our partner and children in developing their emotional intelligence.[1]

Each person has to decide what battles are truly worth fighting. Being right is not a worthy battle. To avoid unnecessary battles it will be important to increase and strengthen your patience. Patience is grace under fire. It is optimism mixed with a cup of faith and the mixture is the secret healing balm of relationships. Without doubt, there will be, in all relationships, times when each partner will feel frustrated, angry and hopeless. It is during these times that great couples rely on patience to see them through. Patience, like so many other things, must be learned, strengthened and valued in order to grow stronger. Rely on the passage, “This too shall pass,” and keep patience as one of your dearest relationship friends.


[1] Dawn Billings, M.A., LPC and Jim Fay  From Innocence to Entitlement, Love and Logic Press, 2005